It was a cold and blustery mid-December day (which, by Massachusetts standards, means more blustery than cold), and I had just finished my last first-term final exam--introductory chemistry, or 5.11, as those in the know at MIT call it. Naturally pleased at this somewhat undramatic conclusion to my first semester, I rushed joyously to my dorm and began my departure preparations. I had a flight out that evening--back to Minnesota for winter break.
"Ah, snow," I thought. "How I've missed it."
As I threw laundry into my suitcase, I happened to glance casually at the window. Suddenly, my heart sank. The fish! What was I going to do with the fish?!?!
Joe floated, innocently enough to the untrained eye. I gazed at him, and his eyes rotated in my general direction. Little did I realize what was in store.

I asked, nay, begged my roommates, who weren't leaving until a few days later, to do something. "Pop him into a tupperware container, hand him off to some friends, I don't care," I pleaded. "Just please, please, find somewhere to put him."
My roommates, being nice people, agreed to call a few friends who were staying in Boston for the holidays. Relieved, I went on my merry way.
And, for two and a half weeks, that was that.

Or so I thought.

The last weekend I was at home (after the new year), I emailed my roommates to see how their respective breaks had gone. One of my roommates wrote back.
"Um, you'll never guess what happened. Well, we couldn't get anyone to take care of the fish, so I just dumped a bunch of food in his bowl and left. But don't worry--I got back last night, and he's OK."

OK?!?!?!!

Answer me this: What kind of creature can survive for two weeks without food and fresh water?

Clearly, we are not dealing with your average, every-day, run-of-the-mill ichthian here. No, dear reader, we have on our hands something far more complex, something, dare I say it, almost sinister.

And, from that day forward, Joe the Goldfish was no longer merely Joe the Goldfish. On that day, Joe the Goldfish evolved into

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